News 
Is your partner gloomy and distant? Perhaps they are thinking about how their lives would turn out if they married someone else. Here are some of their alternate universe pairs.
Girlfriend/boyfriend from uni
This person benefits from being their first serious relationship and from things of the kind of sexual awakening. It’s also possible that they lived a glamorous student life of smoking steroids, hanging out, and having sex. You really can’t compete with it when you bother your partner to use the f**king air freshener in the bathroom once in a while.
Stunningly beautiful man or woman
Perhaps from a previous job, your partner thought his infrequent, unnoticed conversations with Linda Carter or Sean Connery were a “relationship.” He’s just fond of looking good, but they may have created an intricate fantasy about them. Perhaps they are a writer who lives in a picturesque country house with this lovely wife and Labrador. What a twat.
first boyfriend/girlfriend
Your partner will undoubtedly have fond memories of their first dip in the magical pool of love. If only because of losing her virginity, or at least getting a few incompetent hand massagers/massages. Boy unfair on you, because it’s unlikely that they could sustain an adult relationship by “hanging around chippy”.
Mostly okay the former
This cute f**ker is chasing your partner’s imagination as they have created a mod that focuses on their rare intriguing moments and thoughtful whimsical gift. Gone are the events like being bored with them to the point of not letting them have sex. Or that bitter two-day quarrel over what to get out of the pedal box.
Gorgeous girl/boy from school
Every high school in the ’80s had a few attractive immature kids. In fact, they probably looked like something outside Grange Hill Or the Adidas catalog, but all the other kids liked them. If you don’t like this imaginative competition, chase them on Facebook and happily reveal that they are a hawk or fat supermarket worker, Brixity builder. Of course, DILF or MILF may be successful, but you have learned an important lesson about jealousy.
indie band cutie
More of a pure fantasy world, but independent teams made a huge impact on your partner in your late teens. Typical fictional figures included: Mark Gardner from Ryde, Rachel from Slowdive, Jason from Spiritualised, and Mickey from Lush. Having said that, most of these bands don’t do much these days, so maybe your partner is actually up for a chance with Curve’s Toni Halliday?
Attractive teacher
The bar is set too low for your teen partner’s massive and enduring teacher crush. Female: Beautiful with breasts. Male: Acceptably good-looking and impossibly gorgeous (he went to see Genesis alive). It might have been hot back then, but it must be really old now. Unless your partner is in love with old age, you don’t have much to be jealous of Miss Phipps or Mr. Dinsdale.